1. Write down the specific behaviour, the date it happened, and the observable impact.

2. Check that you are describing behaviour, not personality. Only behaviour is feedback.

3. Confirm you are not the only person who has observed it.

4. Decide the outcome you want before you decide the words.

5. Choose the timing. Never in the corridor, never late on a Friday, never in front of the team.

6. Work out whether this is feedback, coaching, or a performance conversation. They are not the same thing.

7. If it is a performance conversation, involve HR before the meeting, not after.

8. Say it in the first sixty seconds. Do not bury it.

9. Drop the compliment sandwich. It teaches people to distrust your praise.

10. Give the behaviour, the impact, and the expectation — in that order.

11. Then stop, and let the silence sit.

12. Ask what you are missing, and mean it.

13. Understand the cause without trading away the standard.

14. Name the specific change you need and the date you need it by.

15. Do not soften the standard because the conversation is uncomfortable.

16. Summarise in writing the same day: what was said, what was agreed, by when.

17. Deliver it in private. If the behaviour was public, correct the record publicly yourself.

18. Check in within a week, not at the next review cycle.

19. Acknowledge the change out loud the first time you see it.

20. If nothing has changed after two conversations, escalate the conversation — not the volume.

Delivering Difficult Feedback

Working through your first year as a manager?